🚴♂️🚴♀️ Breaking News: The Annual Birthday Ride Is Back! 🎂🍻

About this event

Against all medical advice, common sense, and the laws of aging, Keely and Patrick are doing it AGAIN! And what better way to celebrate than by climbing onto tiny bicycle seats and pedaling until something hurts? That's right, folks. Over our combined YEARS OF LIFE EXPERIENCE , although based on our decision to keep riding bicycles on Florida roads, very little of that experience appears to have translated into good judgment. And because misery loves company, YOU'RE INVITED!

WHAT TO EXPECT ON THIS MAGNIFICENT JOURNEY:

🚴 A FAST-PACED RIDE! By fast, we mean whatever speed we can maintain before one of us starts seeing spots, hearing angels, or questioning our life choices. 🦵 THE SYMPHONY OF AGING! Enjoy the soothing sounds of clicking knees, popping hips, creaking backs, and the occasional involuntary groan. If you hear something snap, don't panic. It's probably just Patrick getting off his bike. ❤️ EXCITING HEART RATE DATA! Our Garmin computers may register numbers normally associated with launching rockets. At this point, we're not monitoring performance. We're collecting evidence for our cardiologists. 🌉 BRIDGE CLIMBING! Because apparently riding on perfectly flat Florida roads isn't sufficiently stupid. Nothing says "Happy Birthday" like pushing elders up a bridge while their lungs attempt to file for early retirement. 💨 A COMPETITIVE PACE! Keely will undoubtedly claim she's taking it easy. Patrick will insist he feels fantastic. Both will be lying through their teeth while desperately trying not to get dropped by someone half their age. 🚑 MEDICAL SUPPORT! There will be no official medical team, but we assume at least one participant knows CPR. Bonus points if you can distinguish between normal post-ride exhaustion and an actual medical emergency. Special bonus: 🚑 A possible appearance by Pinellas County Emergency Services.

🏆 SPECIAL RULES FOR THE 2026 BIRTHDAY RIDE

RULE #1: RESPECT YOUR ELDERS. Since we're the birthday celebrities, nobody is allowed to pass us on a climb unless they first request permission in writing, submitted at least three business days in advance. RULE #2: NO DROPPING THE BIRTHDAY RIDERS. If Keely or Patrick falls behind, the group must slow down. If both fall behind, the group must stop. If we're both lying in a ditch, please check for a pulse before posting pictures on Facebook. RULE #3: COMPLIMENTS ARE MANDATORY. Acceptable comments include:

• "Wow, you two look amazing for your age!"

• "I can't believe you're still riding!"

• "Patrick, you're an inspiration!"

• "Keely, you don't look a day over 35!"

Unacceptable comments include:

• "Are you sure you should be doing this?"

• "Does Medicare know about this?"

• "Wouldn't a golf cart be easier?"

RULE #4: NO DISCUSSION OF WATTS PER KILOGRAM. At our age, the only watts we're concerned about are the ones powering our heating pads. RULE #5: ALL PERSONAL RECORDS ARE SUBJECT TO AGE ADJUSTMENT. Any speed achieved over 15 mph will be multiplied by an arbitrary senior citizen performance coefficient, ensuring that we remain competitive with professional cyclists. RULE #6: EMERGENCY STOPS ARE PERMITTED. Especially for bathroom breaks, medication adjustments, stretching, complaining, or trying to remember why we stopped in the first place.

📋 OFFICIAL RIDE INFORMATION 📅 DATE: 11/29/2026 ⏰ START TIME: Early enough to finish before our afternoon naps. 📍 STARTING LOCATION: To be determined, preferably somewhere near a hospital. 🚴 DISTANCE: Whatever Medicare will cover. ⚡ AVERAGE SPEED: Classified information. Our attorneys have advised us not to discuss it. 🧑⚕️ DIFFICULTY LEVEL: Somewhere between "moderately challenging" and "should have stayed in bed." 🍻 POST-RIDE FESTIVITIES: Absolutely mandatory. This is where our true athletic abilities will be demonstrated.

🎂 WHY YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST ATTEND

Think about it. How many opportunities do you get to witness over 130 combined years of human existence hurtling down the road on two ridiculously narrow bicycle seats? How often do you get to celebrate two birthdays while simultaneously observing a live demonstration of the limits of orthopedic engineering? And let's face it: We don't know how many more years we'll be able to keep doing this. Of course, we said that last year. And the year before. And the year before that. At this point, our annual birthday ride has become less of a celebration and more of a long-term scientific experiment to determine whether stubbornness can actually defeat the aging process. So far, the results are inconclusive. But we're still pedaling! 🚨 FINAL WARNING AND OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER 🚨 Participation in this event may result in excessive laughter, sore legs, bruised egos, questionable photographs, and an overwhelming desire to purchase an e-bike. The organizers accept no responsibility for pulled muscles, mechanical failures, inflated ride statistics, or emotional distress caused by getting passed by Patrick. In the unlikely event of an emergency, please notify the appropriate authorities and inform them that the two senior citizens were warned repeatedly but refused to listen. 🍺 POST-RIDE RECOVERY! Afterward, we'll celebrate with refreshments, food, laughter, and absolutely no discussion about our average speed. Alcohol may not be an officially recognized recovery supplement, but we remain committed to independent research.

From Tampa Bay Cycling Meetup and Facebook Group